the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
