I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
