waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
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