Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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