Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Randomize
