He kissed a someone with a penis
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
