I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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