Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
