So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
