So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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