I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
