you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
