I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
