Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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