Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
