No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
