She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
