there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
