She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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