I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
