John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
