I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
