Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
