sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
