just tell him i said nine months
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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