All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
