Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
