I murdered the dance floor call the cops
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
