My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
