It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
