Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
