If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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