you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
