on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
