WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
