We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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