This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
