my phone needs a breathalizer
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
