ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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