peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
