So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
