need another drink. this is the easiest way
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
