I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
