Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i came on her dog
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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