Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
