i can't believe i had my finger in that
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
