Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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