Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
