also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
