Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
