i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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