Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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