I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
