I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
