The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
