So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
