the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
