Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
