At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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